Eyes on the prize

Before going on a trip, excitement often gives way to stress. It starts like this:

“Honey, did you go to the bank to get cash?

– Yes, and on the way I picked up your prescriptions.

– Awww, thanks, you’re the best.”


“Do you know where my pants are?

– No.

– I left them on the dryer.

– I didn’t move them, sorry”.

She goes away, knowing very well that he moved them, because she knows she left them on the dryer. (They will later be found already packed in her suitcase).

“I went to the mailbox.  There were a couple of bills in there.  Did you pay them?

– How could I have paid them if you just got them?

– I don’t know, you’re in charge of that.  When are they due?

– I don’t know, check the date on the statement.

– If we pay them late, when we get back, the power will be cut off.

– No it won’t.  They will send a second, and a third notice, and then it will be cut off.  In 12 years, have we ever had the power cut off? No. I said I will take care of that but you need to give me the bills.  Where did you put them?

– In the bill bin.

– The what?

– The bill bin.

– We don’t have a “bill bin”.

– So where do you usually put the bills, don’t you have a system?

– Yes, I have a system but it has never involved a “bill bin”.  Never mind, I will check online.”

A couple of hours later:

” Did you get aspirin?

– Yes.

– How many bottles?

– Two, like you told me.

– No, I said three.

– Looky here, you wrote two in the email.  See, two.  I bought two.

– I wanted three.  I think we need to have three.

– Why do you even need 3 boxes of aspirin for a one week trip?

– Just in case.

– Just in case what?

– In case we need aspirin.”

You can’t beat that kind of logic.  But when you join two people who are used to manage all aspects of their lives very independently, you’re bound to have a few clashes on deciding who will be the leader and who will be the follower.  You can get organized in advance and have lists describing the equal distribution of tasks according to ability, preference or geography, it never turns out the way it was planned.  The key to successfully getting in the plane without first becoming a suspect in an assault case, is first to shut up.  Then, learn the art of rolling your eyes inside your mind. There is nothing ruder than rolling your eyes at someone, but it sure releases tension to do it!  So learn to visualize yourself doing it, without really doing it.  A third option is to practice saying “Om Mani Padme Um” while breathing slowly. And in the end, keep your eyes on the prize: you’re going on a trip around the world with the love of your life!!!

So when the bickering turns to:

“You’re doing your nails? Now?

– Yes.

– Really?

– Yep.

– Why?

– Just in case Hrithik Roshan is on the plane. I will woo him with my tootsies.”

The only appropriate answer is:

“Good thinking.  Can I get mine painted too?”

The next day, on the way to the airport, after eating their last hamburger made of cow, you can hear:

“Oh $h!t, I forgot my passport.

– No honey, I have them both.

– Aww, you’re awesome.  I love you.

– I love you too”.

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